Catching up

Time for some catching up. After a week that was mostly concerned with William recovering from his operation, it was time to catch up with some admin. So, after ensuring that I had enough of a hangover to make the morning really enjoyable, I spent some happy hours yesterday listening to the on-hold muzak of various different organisations. The prize for the most ridiculously tortuous set of menu options followed by the excuse – ‘Sorry, I can’t put you through as our computers are down’ – went to Thames Water. Of course. The prize for the employee who spends most time ‘on lunch’ went to ‘Nikki” of the escalations department of Thames Water, who has been on lunch since just before Christmas. But a late overall winner of the prize for the most optimistic on-hold muzak went to Direct Line Home Insurance claims department for their glorious choice of Frank Sinatra’s ‘It Was a Very Good Year’. Inspired. And after a morning of back-to-back phone calls, I managed to sort virtually nothing out. But felt virtuous for trying.

William has taken a little while to recover from his operation. He discharged himself early from paediatric HDU simply by constantly declaring to anybody who would listen that he wanted to go back to his room, and generally refusing to co-operate unless his demands were met. I can’t think where he gets his stubborn streak from. However, progress has been slow since then. He took a while to be weaned away from his morphine pump, and confidence in his ‘magic bag’ (the ileostomy bag) has been knocked by the realisation that there was a deal of initial pain involved. The ileostomy itself is none too pretty, and William is keen to ‘clean it off’. In fact, he has two chunks of his small intestine poking through his abdomen wall – ‘stomas’ - and cleaning them off would not be the way forward. But they are doing their job, as they are constantly leaking the unpleasant fluid and gas that were making him so uncomfortable before Christmas. The slight downside is that they are leaking so efficiently that William is now on enormous amounts of IV replacement fluid and still suffering symptoms of dehydration. He has also developed a slightly disconcerting habit of unconsciously farting through these ‘stomas’. As I earlier blogged, there is some quality toilet humour ahead of him.

He is really on the mend now though, and has gingerly returned to his habit of toddling around the ward with his daddy literally in tow. He is re-asserting himself as the ward character, although more through his fantastic eccentricity than any charm offensive. After he had told yet another nurse (Simone – a wonderfully efficient and caring professional) that he didn’t ‘want that one’, I thought it best to start trying to address his issues with politeness. “Let’s role-play,’ I suggested. ‘I’ll be Simone. When I say hello, you say hello Simone.”

‘No,’ suggested William, ‘you be a giraffe.’

A little more work is required.

It is, however, reassuring to see William returning to his old self. Here is a photo of him asleep last night with his ‘friends’. The prominent black creature that looks as if it part of a voodoo ritual is his current favourite. Bizarrely, it was given to him by Boris Johnson MP, as part of a photo call arranged by the Evening Standard whilst William’s lifelong Labour Party supporting father was out of the loop. What on earth was going on when this photo call was arranged? Boris Johnson, London Mayor hopeful, giving voodoo dolls to sick children? The Tories don’t believe in decent funding for the NHS, but are prepared to turn to black magic instead? I arrived as the photo call was in full swing, and paced angrily outside the playroom as the flashbulbs went off inside. ‘But he’s a lovely man,’ intoned the play-specialist, as I grumped in the corridor. Of this, I have little doubt. But having William’s illness exploited by a politician whose policies I would never support was always going to be a difficult pill to swallow. Even if William did receive a voodoo doll that is now his favourite ‘friend’. Anyway, in the spirit of the whole extraordinary episode, William has named the doll ‘Sally’. Naturally.